Formalizing a union in the presence of a huge crowd as witnesses is every courting couple’s dream-come-true. While the vows are to go unbroken, society expects you to hang in there for better or for worse. However, marriage is not a bed of roses, and things fall apart. There comes a time when you feel you have had enough, and you let it go. You have to pick up the pieces and complete your own jigsaw. But if you really love the other person and you even had kids with them, letting them go can be a bit more challenging than most people think. Nonetheless, it is not impossible. Here are some helpful tips you can use to make it happen.
1. Know What You Want
One of the most important steps to get over a better half you had kids with is to make sure that is what you really want. Just like having kids is a personal choice for women, moving on without your partner should be a well-thought decision. You chose to have kids (with him) for a reason, right? When deciding to let him or her go, you should also do so based on a valid reason or reasons. Start by listening to yourself and making a firm decision that you really want to let go of your co-parent lover.
2. Talk with Your Child/Children
Despite the issue being between you two, do not forget that the kids are in the picture. You will be shocked as to how intelligent kids aged two years and above can turn out to be. Their brains can put one and two together and join dots little by little. Kids sense our emotions and can sense when things are not okay. Talk with your kids to explain the situation. Assure them that you, as their parents, love them amidst the situation and will do your best to be there for them even if you are not living under one roof. This will also help you both to move on with time.
3. Learn To Forgive Yourself
Things may not work out as we plan, but we need the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. This is a crucial step to find healing, and it involves being really honest about how you feel now that you have separated. Don’t shelf away from your emotions. Obey them, but do not let them consume you.
It’s okay to be sad and cry yourself out until you feel it’s enough. Acknowledge and accept your mistakes or faults on your part and show compassion to your own self. Choose to forgive yourself for letting yourself or the other person down and move on. Accept that the only thing you can change is your future, and your past is a place of experience.
4. Make Peace with the Past
Remember that your kids need parental love from both you and your ex-companion despite things not working out. Talking about the situation that involves your separation is better than just cutting each other off without having to come into understanding, especially about your children. Agreeing to how and where the kids will visit the other parent and the terms to be involved will help set clear boundaries to avoid future arguments and clashes. This is part of making peace with the past.
Focusing on the present is also important though hard during this time, but you will get to learn and grasp something at the moment instead of wallowing in a sea of tears and depression. You might miss your opportunity for something good coming your way because of the hurt and regrets of what happened in your past. Being mindful of intruding thoughts is very important since it will determine how fast you will overcome.
5. Take up a New Hobby
There is always something interesting about learning something new when going through a hard time. It keeps you occupied and brings about a sense of belonging and accomplishment. A great way to take your mind off stress is actually to rediscover yourself. The more you unravel who you are, the closer you are to being independent again. Participating in a new hobby takes your mind off the stressful negative thoughts that may bring you more sadness and self-pity.
6. Go for Counseling
Choosing to settle with someone, then things end up not working out, can cause depression if the situation is not well handled. That is why it is important to have a marriage counselor in case it breaks loose. The situation comes out heavy for the woman, who is mostly left with the burden of raising the kids. It can be emotionally overwhelming because they are expected to take care of the kids and still take care of themselves at the same time. Mothers are likely to get drained after an emotional breakup compared to the fathers, who are expected to be strong and act strong for society.
In the end, it all rounds off to what you feel, want, and what is best for you. All that matters is you are happy and have peace of mind, with or without a companion. Hopefully, you will find the above tips helpful.